On Wednesdays we are thrilled to fling open the doors to all of YOU! We love hearing your dreaming stories…the lessons you’ve learned, the roads you’ve walked, the dreams He’s planted in your hearts! Today we are excited to welcome Brandi Rennemeyer to God-sized Dreams. She shares how God showed her she can be a good mother AND have a ministry for Him. Thanks for being here today, Brandi!
I sat on the edge of the bathtub as tears streamed down my face. He was right, and I knew it. But this decision was going to hurt. Something would be sacrificed either way. I whimpered, clutching the towel. As He listed out all the reasons I should stay and not go with my family, I heard the Lord whisper, “Brandi, pursuing your call will take sacrifice. It will cost you.”
Now hold-up. Let me give you some details. We were on a mountain vacation with extended family, and they were headed on a long excursion to ride a Steam Engine. When the Lord asked me to stay home (at our rented vacation spot) and not go ride the train with everyone else, He was also setting me up to be a better mom in the coming week. If I didn’t stay back now to write and be diligent in the pursuit of what He’s called me to do and be, then I’d stress about it later in the week when balancing my three children’s needs would need to take precedence. My husband would be traveling, and my all-in availability would be vitally needed.
There on that tub God showed me the sacrifice of my obedience wasn’t about choosing between motherhood or ministry. It was a balance of the two.
I still cried, because my insecurities were engulfed in flames. Insecurity in the shape of family photos without my face. Insecurity about the impression I was giving my in-laws. Insecurity about the questions my kids would have. Insecurity with my thoughts of doubt, of fear….
And I wrestled.
This is the part of pursuing your call that is messy and misunderstood. This is the part in the middle where you don’t know if you want to keep going. The fatigue, the muscle strain, it’s full on. It has yet to be justified by the results.
“Create in my a clean heart Oh God, renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10)
I’ve prayed this prayer a million times and will pray it a million more. But as I sat there crying on the side of the tub I realized this wrestle wasn’t about best decisions, it was about my prideful insecurity. I want all people to think I’m amazing. I want to please all the thinkers who witness my life. If I stay there in that people-pleasing, affirmation-seeking place I am really placing my faith in the opinions of men.
That kind of faith is fleeting and unstable. And no — NO, it will not be worth it if that is what I have faith in.
Pleasing men (even my own family) will leave me shredded. Waiting for their approval or understanding is futile. I know that sounds harsh. However, if I base my decisions on my family’s feelings, then I will not make it in this marathon of faith. But, if I take my family’s feelings before the Lord and ask Him to sort out the callings of both Wife/Mother/Daughter and Minister, well – now we’re getting somewhere.
This life, this dream, this calling. It isn’t an either or, it is an and. I am a wife, mother, and servant of the King. And it is only through HIM that I can do and be all that I am.
I had to trust Him. Trust that He would guard their hearts against offense and that He would help me to make the most of the time given. Then I had to trust Him to help me set it down and focus on my children and our home in the week following.
That’s faith walking in balance.
“Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice”. Psalm 51:16-17 MSG
Brandi is a life addict, a word aficionado, and voice for authentic faith. She and her dreamy husband live at the base of the Rocky Mountains of Colorado with their three vivacious children. She is a writer and speaker with Remade Ministries and between carpool and laundry you’ll find her blowing the grocery budget at a book store. You can connect with Brandi on her blog www.faith2shine.com, Twitter and IG.
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