How God Changed My Dreams With a Baby

Trust in the lord

On Wednesdays we are thrilled to fling open the doors to all of YOU! We love hearing your dreaming stories…the lessons you’ve learned, the roads you’ve walked, the dreams He’s planted in your hearts! Today we are excited to welcome Bonnie Burgamy to God-sized Dreams. She shares a story of how God brought her something unexpected to bring about her God-sized Dreams. Thanks for being here today, Bonnie!

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As an owner of an gift shop for four years, six days a week, without a vacation or extra day off, I welcomed my husband’s discussions to plan family vacations to celebrate upcoming high school graduations for our two children.

A few days later, like a record needle scratching a music album, those plans came to a halt when I started to feel different. I had felt this way before. Twice before.

I was going to be 40 years old, my husband 43 and our kids 18 and 15. No, can’t be, I thought. Remember George Banks in “Father of the Bride, Part II” learning of their unexpected pregnancy? He began accusing Nina of having an affair to then being reminded of the moment it could have happened. My husband and I had a similar moment of questioning the possibility to then remembering Valentine’s Day. Yup, that was the time.

I was emotionally in shock when the nurse confirmed the results. I was stoic, unlike my first two reactions of jubilant shrieks of gratefulness. I knew I would allow my heart to express this gratitude at some point, but at that very moment, I was simply hoping the movie reel playing in my mind was not visible to others as I saw the travel, retirement, and empty nest plans with my husband fizzle into a dream sequence.  The real life script was now titled, “Starting Over With A Baby.” (<====Tweet this.)

It is amazing how 15 years can pass and how much you remember…and how much more you don’t. It’s even more amazing how much your body can age in 15 years, especially when you take it for granted.

I was scared.

I became even more scared when the doctor ran several tests due to my being classified as an at-risk patient because of my age. My blood pressure also became an issue as it climbed to match the increasing anxiety within my heart.

I questioned my ability to continue to run a store where I was the sole employee. The test results indicated that our child could possibly be born with deficiencies. We began to get ready for the life God wanted to give us. More importantly than preparing a room for our child, we prepared our hearts. I worked on turning my fears and doubts into willingness, openness, and gratitude.

We weren’t sure why, but we felt we needed to close the store. After I placed the vacancy sign in the window and turned away from locking the door for the last time, I found myself unable to step foot into another gift shop without being overwhelmed with emotion and quickly running out.

Trust. Trust. Trust. This word was becoming my mantra these nine months.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

We did not know then, but closing the store was a blessing.

On October 23, 2006, our son, Tyler, was born healthy. He did, however, come into this world with a bang! Literally. Even though I was to not feel anything from my waist down, his entrance took my breath away. It wasn’t until the epidural wore off, and I tried to get up, that I truly felt it. A physical pain I had never experienced before.

My pelvis was broken.

I left the hospital with a walker, a commode chair…and Tyler.

Nights were my worst. When my husband and two older children would go to sleep for their busy school and work days, I felt so alone. I felt inadequate and depressed. It was to be such a happy time to welcome a baby home, and I found myself crying more than smiling. I was emotionally in distress, and so was my body. I was not healing well from the break.

God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress. – Psalm 46:2

It took two years of doctor visits, tests, and spiritual guidance for me to experience the intense gratitude my heart so longed to feel about our surprise blessing, Tyler. I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome. The birth of my son and the breaking of my pelvis helped to reveal a health spiraling out of control.

My son’s birth also helped to reveal other things out of control in my life. Before Tyler, I would hang out with women friends to partake and enjoy in gossip and disrespect my husband with our discussions about men. I was also not being a good caretaker for me and my family. I would overfill my plate with too many activities. I took life for granted. I took people for granted, especially my family.

Looking back, I appreciated the abrupt halt to redirect my life. Today, my son is eight years old, and I homeschool him….something I never thought I would or could ever do. What a joy to see him learn, but what a joy for me to learn even more from him. This unexpected place in my journey has taught me a lot about God’s love. (<====Tweet this.) So much so that I have acted on a 20+ years God-planted calling to write. My first book is one I recently co-wrote with a friend about God’s love called “The Love Stairway.” It can be found at my blog website, www.bonnieburgamy.com. (I hope you will visit!) This calling was in my heart long before my gift-shop desire, but I was too afraid to pursue.

God brought me to an unexpected place in my life through the life of a child.

God sends people into our lives to teach us, to mold us, and to use us for His very special plans for us.

What unexpected place has God taken you by sending someone into your life to give you a future and a hope?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

Bonnie Burgamy GSD

Bonnie Burgamy, co-author of The Love Stairway, shares stories to encourage others to courageously embrace life with hope and love at her blog, enCOURAGEment for the heart. Her passion is to help you discover, nurture, and live out your amazing God-given gifts in your home, workplace, church, community, and everywhere you go! Besides writing, Bonnie homeschools her youngest child while loving to create art pieces & handmade gifts.  But, her favorite thing is to hang out with her husband, children, parents, and friends celebrating the moments of the day.

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